Now It's a Party

Last night, a group of about 5 girls in their late teens came in together. They were going back and forth between the condoms (which are in a locked cabinet) and the feminine products. I overheard them several times saying, "Just ask the pharmacist." Oh, joy.

They finally approached the counter and blurted, "We need seven tubes of KY Jelly!"

Uhmmm, sure let me get that for you.

"Don't worry, it's not what you think. We're going to a party."

That does not make me feel ANY better!

Here's a Head-Scratcher!

Either business at the store is really slow, or the people I work with are nuts.

I walk in today asking the usual, "Hey, how ya doin?" and THIS is the response I got:

"Well, I ate a dog bone today!"

You did WHAT?

"Yeah, Jess brought in some chocolate-covered dog biscuits and said that someone gave them to her daughter. I TOLD her they were for dogs, but she didn't believe me. So I ate one."

I just don't know about these people...

Knockin Boots

Above is an image from Emu Australia's ad campaign for their cold weather boots.

I don't know about you guys, but this is EXACTLY how I wear my Emu and Ugg Australian boots.

What kind of bullcrap advertising is this?!

NFT.

Who Says I Can't Get Pseudoephedrine?

During a pseudoephedrine transaction today, a woman who was clearly from overseas was shocked that she had to show ID to buy the product.

"Oh, is this addictive or somezing?"

"No, but people use this to make meth."

"Well, I can go to Amsterdam and smoke my own pot. We don't have to deal with this stuff over der."

Awesome! The customers in line behind her seemed uncomfortable.

You People

There's this doctor in the area who cracks me up when he leaves voicemails for new scripts. Not only does he have an awful habit of saying "uh..uh..uh.." several times in the message, he says some silly things occasionally. He's a great doctor and one of my favorites.

Tonight he left me a message and started to dispense a quantity of 14 tablets...and then interrupted himself and said, "Wait. Make that uh, uh, uh 15 tablets...since you guys count by fives."

LOL. We have machines that count for us now.

Just A Thought

Writing a prescription for both Zithromax Z-Pak and Tamiflu for the same person SCREAMS "I don't know what I'm doing!" to the pharmacist.

I understand that diagnosing isn't easy. But jeez, PICK ONE! Don't just give the guy a pharmaceutical cocktail and hope that everything turns out all right!

Strange Marketing

I saw this mannequin while shopping the other night at Forever 21. Really? This is how you think we see ourselves in your clothes? Ridiculous.

Synonyms

I kid you not, someone just asked what the difference is between "medication" and "drugs." He was totally serious.

Chicken Soup for the Soul?

I had a slow night at work last night, so I started browsing the new Natural Products section on Facts & Comparisons. Look what I found! Yep, it's really there. Under dosing guidelines, it suggests administering by the bowlful. I kid you not!

You're All Set

So, when I'm ringing out a customer and the transaction is complete, I tend to make a closing statement. One that I use frequently is, "You're all set, have a great day!"

Yesterday, I said this to a customer, to which he sarcastically replied, "Oh yeah? And what is it that I'm all set for?" Ugh, whatever. What I wanted to say was GFY, but I didn't.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: WHY do people go out of their way to be rude? It takes more effort to be a jerk than it does to be a pleasant person.

Well, That's One Way to Do It...

Hubby took this photo of another driver at a red light. Take a really close look: she's got her CELL PHONE tucked into the scarf/wrap. I guess that's one way to talk "Hands Free."

Long Time No Blog

Sorry, I've been feeling less than inspired lately. Got the retail blues, I suppose. I will write again soon.

Flu season has done a number on me, and I got to the point where I wanted to punch the next person that asked for a flu shot. And now the H1N1 is shipping out soon. Glory.

Before I leave for a while, I'll leave you with a short little story from last night:

This great lady, who is one of my favorite customers came in last night at the drive through. We were chatting and I was getting her prescriptions ready, and right as I handed her the bag and started to send her on her way, she asked me:

"Can you go grab me a Kit-Kat?"

Oh, bless her heart. Thank goodness she is one of my favorites.

People Watching

People are so strange.

I suppose I have odd habits that people notice, too. I noticed this one person who came to the drive through and had the largest collection of headbands (in every color and fabric) scattered along her dashboard. What? It was just the most random thing I've seen in a while.

OMG, WTF?

I thought I was hearing things, but it is indeed true.

There's a new song on the airwaves called "LOL Smiley Face."

I have nothing clever to say. I think this one speaks for itself. WHAT are these record labels thinking?

A Case of the "Crazies"

This very strange woman came in for a flu shot. I can't describe it; she was just a weird one.

It got really weird when I was ready to give her shot. She said, "Tell me when," so I did.

She started screaming "Ow, oh, OW!" before I touched her with the needle. And I had people in the waiting area witnessing this. Lovely.

Think Your Patients are Bad?

I complain about customers a lot. They drive me insane. But a friend of mine is a dental hygienist, and reminded me that these morons are EVERYWHERE. Good to know I'm not alone.

"No, Mr. Smith. Running out of toothpaste is not a good reason to stop brushing your teeth."

OMG! You can't be serious.

You Deserved It!

I'm on my way to work the other day, and this idiot was driving like a total jerk. I tried to ignore him/her and continued on as I went through the tollbooth to get on the highway.

The ramp we were about to get onto is under major construction right now, with lots of those construction barrels along the way.

Well, as I'm sitting there paying my toll, jackass is in the lane next to me and decides to race to get in front of me. Again, I'm trying to ignore. Turns out that lane he's in makes a *very* sharp merge into my lane. He made it over, sped up, and managed to swipe one of the orange barrels with the entire right side of his car. And TOTALLY smashed up the side mirror! Plastic went flying, it's hanging by a thread. Oh, it was grand. You idiot! I couldn't help but take a picture.

Definitely the DOUCHEBAG of the day!

Bladdivan on SNL

Makes me giggle, just a little bit.

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Que Jeopardy Tune

I am so exhausted from today. So many flu shots, so many scripts, so many questions.

At the end of the day, someone asked me if neomycin is related to penicillin. And I paused...for a very, very long time.

My brain is shot! Thank God I remembered how to get home.

HOT MESS!

Did I Mention It's FREE?

Earlier today I did quite a few flu shots. Our store was giving free gifts away as a promotion.

Would you believe that a guy came back, wanting a different color/size/flavor of his free gift?

DUDE...IT'S FREE!



I'm at a loss for words.

That's One Way to Get Immunized!

I realize that once again, I'm sharing old news. But if you are an immunizer, you'll get a kick out of this story.

And That's What You Came Up With??

There's a new song floating on the airwaves, some of you may have heard it. It has brilliant lyrics such as the lines below:

"She's nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore."

"I'm tryin' to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful."

And you know which statment they decided to use without being discrespectful?

"Damn, youz a sexy biiiitch."

Uhhhhhh...okaaaaaaaaay..................I'm just sayin'.

Interesting Sign

I saw this sign while I was out today. It's good to know where you can get an abundance of Ween, and quickly.

Can I Get Fries with that?

I'm picking up balloons as a favor for my neighbor - she's throwing a surprise birthday party for her mother's 50th. This turned out to be a much more complicated task than I expected.

First of all, my dumb ass didn't read the receipt she gave me - it said 3pm pickup time. I showed up at 2:40. Woops. The place is a TOTAL zoo, and the girl behind the counter tells me she will do her best to get them done by 3pm. No big deal; working in retail pharmacy, I know what it's like to have a bunch of people staring at you and waiting impatiently. I run another errand and come back after 3pm.

As I'm waiting in line, this little snot is in front of me watching the two women who are blowing up her balloons. I couldn't believe what came out of her mouth:

"Uhm, excuse me. Can't you, like, blow them up bigger? Like that other girl is doing?" She points to the other lady. SERIOUSLY, girl - they're frickin' balloons!! It's not like this lady was blowing up some sad little under-inflated balloons. We're talking small differences here. My patience is running thin because I have to A) listen to this bullshit and B) wait behind her while they explain to her that not every balloon can be blown up to the same size. "But, those are blown up bigger...so why can't you make mine bigger?" UGH.

Finally, I get to the counter and the balloons are finished. Four bunches of a very specific color scheme. I'm carrying them out the door when the staple from my receipts cuts a nasty hole in my finger - I mean, the staple was actually stuck and I couldn't get it out!

THEN, as I'm loading them into the car I somehow let go of one of the bunches. Eff. I go back in the store, get back in line behind three more idiots, and explain how my clutsy ass let one of the bunches go. No problem, they said. What colors? Can't remember. Two pink, 1 magenta, and 2 vanilla? Or was it 2 magenta and 1 vanilla? Aghhh.

The lady could clearly see that I had lost all patience and was kind enough to help me pick out the colors again, blew them up immediately, and wouldn't let me pay for the extra balloons.

I OWE YOU ONE, BALLOON LADY!

"A" for Effort

We sent a fax to a doctor to clarify a new prescription he wrote for a patient, which had no strength OR directions. It read something like:

Anna Smith
Lisinopril
Refills: 0
Signed: Dr. Jones

Considering the drug comes in several different strengths, this isn't something we can make an assumption about. And she's never had it before, so we can't really go by what she's had in the past.

So, after faxing the doctor with a request to clarify the dose and sig, you know what he faxed back to us?

The same sheet of paper that we faxed to him, and right next to the statement, "Please clarify dose and sig" with a HUGE arrow indicating the missing information, he wrote:

OK - Dr. Jones.

Thank you...SO MUCH. Now we get to explain to the patient, two days later, why we can't fill her new medication. Dr. Jones must have a lot going on!

Ultimate Douchebag

I know this is old news, but I'd just like to state for the record that Kanye West will be the #1 resident on my Douchebag list for a while.

In case you missed it, he interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Video and complained that Beyonce's video was one of the best videos of all time.



Would he have done this if Pink had won? Doubt it. Because, like me, she would have pounded him when he tried to take her mic away, and then would have told him to sit the f*&$ down, followed by a graceful acceptance speech.

Is It Just Me?

That's twice in the last month that I've had a customer in his/her mid-forties who put their FATHER up to calling the pharmacy and taking care of her prescription mess. Two separate individuals.

I would be humiliated to have my father call the pharmacy, or take care of any such ADULT RESPONSIBILITY, for that matter.

But that's just me.

The Joys of Newlyweds

Most women have the typical problem with their husbands forgetting to put the toilet seat down.

Not me.

In fact, he's extra thoughtful and even puts down the lid occasionally.

Imagine my surprise when I stumble around in the dark at 1:30am to go to the bathroom, pull down my underpants, and sit on a freezing cold commode lid.

Took me a while to get back to sleep.

I love you, babe!

Refills for Your Xanax? Priceless.

I got the funniest note on a refill authorization fax today. It read almost like one of those credit card commercials:

Last office visit? - January 2007.

Compliant with meds? - Never.

Keeps follow up appointments? - Hardly.

Refill Xanax? NOPE.

DENIED! Sucka.

Day After Holiday = Hot Mess

Here's a suggestion - if you don't like to wait for your prescriptions, DON'T COME at the BUSIEST TIME OF DAY, especially the day after a NATIONAL HOLIDAY.

Why is it that when people go to a popular restaurant at dinnertime, they're not surprised to hear the wait for a table is 30-45 minutes - but when they show up at a pharmacy during rush our (the day after a holiday, no less), they're stunned at how busy it is? I mean, you don't walk into a Starbucks at 7:30am and think you're going to be the only customer waiting on your nonfat-extra-foam-two-pump-sugarfree-vanilla-extra-hot-latte, right?

Common sense would tell you that, if you have little to no patience, you simply avoid places at peak times. Want a car wash? It's a Sunday afternoon and it's sunny and 75 - dare I go to the Delta Sonic? NO. I'll go another time, instead of driving up to find a line of cars so long that it backs up into the street.

Just saying...

How Important Could This Call Be?

The other night as I was leaving work and heading to my car, I couldn't help but notice a woman standing in the middle of the street.

The way she's slightly leaning forward, as if she's straining, I'm thinking she might have hurt herself or maybe dropped something important into the street (wallet, money, etc). It's dark, so I strain my eyes to see a little better. I even start veering towards her in case I decide to offer help.

As I get closer, I realize that this is not a woman straining to find her $50 bill in the street. She's trying to hear something on her CELL PHONE. Stopped. In the middle of the effing street, deeply engaged in a conversation.

It took everything in me not to pull up to her and lay on my horn. Everything.

But I Read on the Internet...

Seriously, people. What did you do before the internet to find medical advice? Why do people think that anything they read on the internet must be true and they should take it for hard fact??

No, drinking olive oil with lemon juice and vinegar will not dissolve your kidney stones.

It does, however, make an incredible salad dressing.

Substitute, But Don't Substitute

I get a script today from a dermatologist, who often writes for pain meds and antibiotic for certain procedures.

Today, he wrote for "generic Tylenol #3" and checked the May Not Substitute box.

Sigh.

It's an EMERGENCY! Well, sort of.

Customer calls in frantically to refill some seizure meds, saying that she ran out and it's an EMERGENCY! From the tone of her voice, I can see that she's worried. I tell her I'll get them ready right away and ask her if she's on her way.

Her response? "Oh, it'll take me at least an hour to make it down there."

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy. Some emergency!

Show and Tell

Today's favorite post from another blog, by The Bus Driver.

Cell Phone Holster

Please, people. The crevice between your buttcrack and the elastic band of your booty shorts is NOT an appropriate holster for your cell phone.

Remember, that thing gets pressed against your face later!

Nasty!

I would have taken a picture for you all, but it took me so long to snap out of the initial shock that I didn't get my camera phone out in time. For someone with a cell phone in her buttcrack, she sure moved fast! ::Shaking head::

Get Thee to a Nunnery

A woman wearing gold crosses and "Jesus Loves Me" pins from head to toe comes in for her prescriptions. She's ticked because the nurse who calls in her prescriptions never leaves additional refills on her meds, and proceeds to say "Jesus Christ" about 5 times, and not in a prayer-like manner.

Nothing like a devout Christian using the Lord's name in vain.

Maybe I'm Old Fashioned...

Will someone tell these celebrities that having babies is not a trend??

BIRTH CONTROL, PEOPLE. BIRTH CONTROL.

Some highlights of my evening...

- A man asking me for an OTC recommendation for a HUGE open wound on his arm (it was clearly infected). When I told him it was infected and he needed to see a doctor, he said he refused. Okay, good luck with that.

- A frantic mother with her litter of kids, tearing up my waiting area while she picked up anti-anxiety meds. Later, discovered a half-eaten donut from her child on the counter.

- Lady calls asking if the sodium content in her beverage would have a negative effect on her BP. After answering, she proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation, basically with herself, while I was on the line. Everything from how certain foods exacerbate her GERD, to how she hates that she's aging, to telling me about her middle-aged son who lives out of state, to how she hates herself - that's H-A-T-E, but not to the point that she hears voices (???WTF???). I finally had to interrupt and say, "I'm sorry, is there anything else I can answer for you? A doctor is waiting to give me a prescription on the other line."

Her response? "OH! Is he single?!"

Done and DONE. Good night. I hope I win the frickin' lottery, I can't do this for 20 more years.

I'm Speechless

I suppose this is old news, but I can't stop laughing at this.

Money Ain't A Thang

Me: There's a coupon for X amount off of your next purchase at the bottom of your receipt.

Mr. Richie Rich: Just throw it away, I don't need it.

When did it become so easy for people to throw money away? Sure, this is an upscale suburb with wealthy people, but you're not going to save money if you can?

I don't care how much money you make, or how fabulous you think you are...you are a FOOL if you don't understand - or appreciate - the value of a dollar. Douchebag.

Show and Tell

I've gotta share this with you guys. This is one of my favorite blogs, and Dr. Grumpy is one of my heroes.

This is a hilarious post about some compelling research. It's a must read!

Tourette's, NOS

A lovely little woman comes to the counter and wants to buy a few OTC items. Everything about the transaction was normal - she places them on the counter, cue friendly greeting, I scan the items and announce the total - until she begins her payment.

"I'm gonna use DEBIT!" she shouts, in a harsh voice. Not a raised voice, an actual bark.

"Okay, great!" I say, attempting to appear unphased. She actually sounds mad, but it's clear she is not, as she is smiling the entire time.

"SLIDE CARD!!!!...SELECT PAYMENT TYPE!...DEBIT!...CASH BACK - NO!...PROCESSING!"

This continued on until her payment was complete. And then, in the most calm and collected manner, she said, "Thank you so very much. And your hair is lovely," and strolled away.

Question of the Day

My "friend" took some Klonopin, and then smoked marijuana. Is she going to die?

Ummm...I think that's just the paranoia kicking in.

One day, you will be old, too.

I'm waiting in line at Starbucks the other day, and there's this sweet elderly woman in front of us. She's taking quite a while to decide on what to drink and cashier isn't being all too helpful with ordering the drink. After wrapping up with her order and payment, the pissy cashier rolls her eyes and lets out an irritated sigh as the customer walks away.

Now, having worked with many elderly people in pharmacy, I can definitely identify with this frustration. You're busy, the line is long, and your patience starts to run thin. But I NEVER, EVER roll my eyes. You know why? Because someday, I'm going to be old too. Believe me, I've spent upwards of 10 minutes on the phone with an elderly woman just to take some refill numbers down. Try it with an elderly person who also can't speak English very well: oooone (1), seben (7), sic (6), pour (4), ssserrro (0). No, wait - I missed a number. Let me start over again.

But just because they aren't as fast as you and don't speak English as well as you doesn't mean they don't deserve the same level of service as the tween who knows she wants a Grande Nonfat Caramel Frappucino.

I wanted to reach across the counter and slap some pretty onto this girl's face, because heaven knows her fugly, Rachel Dratch-lookin face needs it. Someone once told me that you need one of two things to be successful in life: beauty or brains. I'd like to add another to that list - it's called NOT being a miserable person. One day, Starbucks girl, you will be old, too. And you'll be ugly, stupid, and miserable. So you LOSE! You LOSE at the game of LIFE!

Next time I go in there, I'm going to order the Venti triple-shot, two-pump-sugar-free, Cinnamon Dolce no-foam, extra-hot LATTE. Roll your eyes at THAT!

Now, see. Look at what you made me do. Now I sound like a jerk.

DOUCHE!

Here, let me show you...

This is a call I received tonight:

"I picked up a prescription for my stomach a few days ago, but I haven't been taking it. Now my stomach's bothering me. Is this medication good for an upset stomach?"

"So you're feeling nauseated?"

"No, it's just...it's like a burning in my stomach. And I'm burping a lot."

And that's when she proceeded to belch into the phone.

Allow Myself to Introduce...Myself

Welcome to the D-Bag Daily - where I vent about the ridiculous people who I encounter as a pharmacist, a neighbor, a customer, or just from observation as an innocent bystander.

Don't get me wrong - I love my job. I truly enjoy helping my customers, especially the ones who show their appreciation. But there are those rare encounters, the off-the-wall nutjobs who come in and do or say the unthinkable. They leave me either scratching my head or pulling the hair out of it. Some of the stories are just too entertaining to go untold. And some of the people need to be called out.

So, here we go...are YOU the douchebag of the day?